Memorable Quotes from
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the
Bomb (1964) Quotes compiled by The
Internet Movie Database
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Goldie, how many times have I told
you guys that I don't want no horsing around on the airplane?
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well, I've been to one world fair,
a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard
come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's codes?
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well, boys, I reckon this is it
-- nuclear combat toe to toe with the Roosskies. Now look, boys,
I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair
idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And
I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas
may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human bein's
if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelin's about nuclear
combat. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is
a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down.
I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as
important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all
in line for some important promotions and personal citations when
this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless
of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the
hump -- we got some flyin' to do
Miss Scott: It's 3 o'clock in the morning!
General "Buck" Turgidson: Weh-heh-heh-ll, the Air Force never
Miss Scott: Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either...
General "Buck" Turgidson: I know how it is, baby. Tell you
what you do: you just start your countdown, and old Bucky'll be
back here before you can say "Blast off!"
General Jack D. Ripper: Your Commie has no regard for human
life. Not even his own.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Erm, what about the planes,
sir? Surely we must issue the recall code immediately.
General Jack D. Ripper: Group Captain, the planes are not
gonna be recalled. My attack orders have been issued, and the orders
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, if you'll excuse me saying
so, sir, that would be, to my way of thinking, rather-- well, rather
an odd way of looking at it. You see, if a Russian attack was in
progress, we would certainly not be hearing civilian broadcast.
General Jack D. Ripper: Are you certain of that, Mandrake?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Oh, I'm absolutely positive
General Jack D. Ripper: And what if it is true?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, I'm afraid I'm still not
with you, sir, because, I mean, if a Russian attack was not in progress,
then your use of Plan R -- in fact, your order to the entire Wing...
Oh. I would say, sir, that there were something dreadfully wrong
General Jack D. Ripper: Now why don't you just take it easy,
Group Captain, and please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater,
and help yourself to whatever you'd like. [Mandrake snaps to attention
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: General Ripper, Sir, as an officer
in Her Majesty's Air Force, it is my clear duty, under the present
circumstances, to issue the recall code, upon my own authority,
and bring back the Wing. If you'll excuse me, sir. [He finds the
doors locked.] I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you for the key, and
the recall code. Have you got them handy, sir?
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau
once said about war?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No, I don't think I do, sir,
General Jack D. Ripper: He said war was too important to
be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might
have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians.
They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for
strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist
infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and
the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of
our precious bodily fluids.
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, about, uh, 35 minutes
ago, General Jack Ripper, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson
Air Force Base, issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his Wing, which
were airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were
holding called Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order
called for the planes to, uh, attack their targets inside Russia.
The, uh, planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an average
load of, um, 40 megatons each. Now, the central display of Russia
will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their
primary targets; the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft
will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes.
President Merkin Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this
very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I
was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
General "Buck" Turgidson: That's right, sir, you are the
only person authorized to do so. And although I, uh, hate to judge
before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like, uh, General
Ripper exceeded his authority.
General "Buck" Turgidson: I don't think it's quite fair
to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up.
[Turgidson advocates a further nuclear attack to prevent a Soviet
response to Ripper's attack.] General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr.
President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for
ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth
is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make
a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless
*distinguishable*, postwar environments: one where you got twenty
million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred and
fifty million people killed.
President Merkin Muffley: You're talking about mass murder,
General, not war!
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we
wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty
million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Survival kit contents check. In
them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of
ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug
issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills,
sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian
phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred
dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics;
three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella'
could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
President Merkin Muffley: You can't fight in here, this
is the War Room!
[The President calls the Soviet Premier.] President Merkin Muffley:
[to Kissoff] Hello? ... Ah ... I can't hear too well. Do you
suppose you could turn the music down just a little? ... Oh-ho,
that's much better. ... yeah ... huh ... yes ... Fine, I can hear
you now, Dmitri. ... Clear and plain and coming through fine. ...
I'm coming through fine, too, eh? ... Good, then ... well, then,
as you say, we're both coming through fine. ... Good. ... Well,
it's good that you're fine and ... and I'm fine. ... I agree with
you, it's great to be fine. ... a-ha-ha-ha-ha ... Now then, Dmitri,
you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something
going wrong with the Bomb. ... The *Bomb*, Dmitri. ... The *hydrogen*
bomb! ... Well now, what happened is ... ah ... one of our base
commanders, he had a sort of ... well, he went a little funny in
the head ... you know ... just a little ... funny. And, ah ... he
went and did a silly thing. ... Well, I'll tell you what he did.
He ordered his planes ... to attack your country... Ah... Well,
let me finish, Dmitri. ... Let me finish, Dmitri. ... Well listen,
how do you think I feel about it?! ... Can you *imagine* how I feel
about it, Dmitri? ... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to
say hello? ... *Of course* I like to speak to you! ... *Of course*
I like to say hello! ... Not now, but anytime, Dmitri. I'm just
calling up to tell you something terrible has happened... It's a
*friendly* call. Of course it's a friendly call. ... Listen, if
it wasn't friendly ... you probably wouldn't have even got it. ...
They will *not* reach their targets for at least another hour. ...
I am ... I am positive, Dmitri. ... Listen, I've been all over this
with your ambassador. It is not a trick. ... Well, I'll tell you.
We'd like to give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets,
the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes. ... Yes!
I mean i-i-i-if we're unable to recall the planes, then ... I'd
say that, ah ... well, ah ... we're just gonna have to help you
destroy them, Dmitri. ... I know they're our boys. ... All right,
well listen now. Who should we call? ... *Who* should we call, Dmitri?
The ... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you faded away there.
... The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. ... Where is
that, Dmitri? ... In Omsk. ... Right. ... Yes. ... Oh, you'll call
them first, will you? ... Uh-huh ... Listen, do you happen to have
the phone number on you, Dmitri? ... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask
for Omsk information. ... Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm ... I'm sorry, too, Dmitri.
... I'm very sorry. ... *All right*, you're sorrier than I am, but
I am as sorry as well. ... I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don't
say that you're more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being
just as sorry as you are. ... So we're both sorry, all right?! ...
[After learning of the Doomsday Machine] President Merkin Muffley:
But this is absolute madness, Ambassador! Why should you *build*
such a thing?
Ambassador de Sadesky: There were those of us who fought against
it, but in the end we could not keep up with the expense involved
in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. At the same
time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our
doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we had been
spending on defense in a single year. The deciding factor was when
we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and
we were afraid of a doomsday gap.
President Merkin Muffley: This is preposterous. I've never
approved of anything like that.
Ambassador de Sadesky: Our source was the New York Times.
[Strangelove admits that he investigated making such a machine.]
Dr. Strangelove: Based on the findings of the report, my conclusion
was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which
at this moment must be all too obvious.
General "Buck" Turgidson: Gee, I wish we had one of them
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in
addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway
to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice
cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I-- no, no. I don't, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen
forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie
conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance
is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge
of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way
your hard-core Commie works.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen, tell
me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop
General Jack D. Ripper: Well, I, uh... I... I... first became
aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue...
a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret
these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred,
Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life
essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No. General Jack D. Ripper:
But I... I do deny them my essence.
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well boys, we got three engines
out, we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule, the radio
is gone and we're leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why
we'd need sleigh bells on this thing... but we got one little budge
on those Roosskies. At this height why thy might harpoon us but
they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen!
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Colonel, I must know
what you think has been going on here!
Colonel "Bat" Guano: You wanna know what I think?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes!
Colonel "Bat" Guano: I think you're some kind of deviated
prevert. I think General Ripper found out about your preversion,
and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine.
I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in
Colonel "Bat" Guano: That's private property.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine
what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life,
and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone
call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine?! Shoot
it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you
twit!! Colonel "Bat" Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya.
But if you don't get the President of the United States on that
phone, you know what's gonna happen to you? Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake:
Colonel "Bat" Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola
General "Buck" Turgidson: If the pilot's good, I mean if
he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that thing in so low, oh it's
a sight to see. You wouldn't expect it with a big ol' plane like
a '52, but varrrooom! The jet exhaust... frying chickens in the